TOP 5 ANIMALS I DON'T REALLY FUCK WITH LIKE THAT
Last weekend, while walking with my children to the playground, I saw five adult male cops chasing a raccoon around. The raccoon crept beneath a row of parked cars as the cops surrounded him, masturbating with their guns drawn, shrieking like chimpanzees.
Okay, that's not what really happened.
I didn't stick around to see what actually happened because I don't really fuck with cops like that. My daughters, however, began to see phantom raccoons everywhere. I assured them that raccoons are nothing to be afraid of and they should be more concerned with the pigs. They didn't get the joke.
Here are some other animals I actually don't fuck with like that.